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music sounds better with you [17 May 2007|07:11pm] The summer came in the blink of an eye. I remember last summer like it was yesterday. Although it was dramatic like the summer before that, I hope this summer is just as interesting as lasts. And I think it just might be because I have a really kool chic to spend it with. It will be a month in 4 days since we started kicking it. So lets just update my life for a second, I'm a tad bit jobless right now. It sucks yes, but I've been looking like crazy for jobs. I had an interview at Target last thursday and I think it went rather well, but they said they would let me know within 3-5 days if I got the job...it's been a whole week and haven't heard nothing. My aunt's mother passed away the day before mother's day. Tomorrow is her funeral. Not to sound fucked up, but I had a date tomorrow with Jessica that I really wanted to go out to. We were going to see Shrek 3. I LOVE SHREK! but I have to show my respects. Saturday is pride, and I might just be going with her and her sister. Then Sunday Jessica is taking me to her co-workers little daughter's party so before anything the kids are going to see Shrek anyways so I'm not so much upset. LMAO. I really like this girl. And even tho the way we met was not my idea of something romantic, we are trying to take things as slow as we can. I'm just tired of pushing myself into something I'm not ready for, and being disappointed. This girl has done more for me than any girl I've dated combined. She sends me flowers to my house just because. She buys Noah things and spoils the shit out of him. Since there is no food in the house, she comes over and feeds me and buys stuff for me and my sister to eat. That part sounds really sad like were poor or something, but not even. She comes at 7:30 in the morning just to sleep with me until she has to get up and drive back home to work. She truly is amazing. She's a keeper and I'm not about to push her away. hate it

ghetto rock [21 Apr 2007|11:41am] the day i met her. hate it

i barely can breathe [01 Mar 2007|10:09pm] im such a procrastinator, i have so many goals to accomplish, and i have all this drive but in the end no motivation. i've completely brushed off my priorities for school that i need to get back on track. my court fine will be totally paid off in a month. this month is going to be the start of everything. here is a list of things to do this month and the months to follow. $300 to court ticket pay genelle's phone bill pay my phone bill clean room completely excercise everyday for 30 minutes; walk to and from work renew contract, save money for sidekick apply for a credit card call school and ask for next test dates go over careers hire tutor studddyyyyy find better paying job hate it

all that she wants [22 Jan 2007|08:06pm] i just realized that staying with my parents isn't making my life any better because it all has to do with how i live my life. im only staying here for the free pass to college. fuck it, i can do this on my own. fuck the fact that i have a court fine to pay, i can always do it by myself. now find someone to fall back on, a place to sleep is all i need. fuck the car, i can always go to school and save money for one. im so fucking tired of depending on my parents to do things for me. they are the reason why im doing bad. i was so scared to leave because i thought that i wouldn't have money to go to school, but they have plans for that to where i can pay it all back later. im just so sick of life here, i feel so chained to the ground. i don't have the freedom of being myself or having my own thoughts. hate it

your my favorite girl. [04 Jan 2007|12:10pm] the end of 2006 ended on a good note. it was the beginning of knowing something great. her name is daisy. she's really good to me. on the other hand, on tuesday i took the day off work to go to the hospital because they said my dad was sick...yesterday morning they put him on life support. it was his choice. i've been crying for two days straight. i can't handle it. i know that it's not my fault but i really wish i could have got to know him. and for knowing him so little, i love him so much already. lily took me to the hospital yesterday, and when i walked in the room i couldn't help but cry. i saw all the machines in his mouth and everywhere else. i walked out because i couldn't see him like that. i cried histerically in lilys arms, i felt so embarrassed. i went back in and i stood next to the bed holding his hand. he turned to look at me and i told him i loved him and he tried saying something back but the words weren't coming out of his mouth, he just squeezed my hand and wouldn't let it go. i cried because im really glad i was acknowleged by him. i will never forget that moment. everyone is praying for him, and i he's holding on staying really strong. i hope god will keep him here. he doesn't deserve to go like this. he's the best man anyone has ever met. im sorry daddy that i couldn't get to know you and tell you the things that i wanted to tell you, but you know i love you. hate it

that beat is kinda hot yo. [31 Dec 2006|01:33pm] so as of last night, i am dating this amazing girl. lets see how this ends up. something i wasn't even looking for or expecting happens and it's just such a surprise. i actually feel happy. such a strange and extraordinary feeling. hate it

ladies and gentlemen [27 Dec 2006|05:28pm] one of histories bravest leaders have passed away. the longest living american president devoted his career to public service and steered the country through one if it's most unrestrained periods...mr. gerald ford. noah is finally home. i think the whole enviornment is keeping him awake. there's so many new noises and things he's never seen. he hasn't gone to sleep all day. my sister said she only got two hours of sleep. welcome to the mommy club rachel. i don't have to hear it for now because she's downstairs and im upstairs. i got a tv/dvd for christmas, it's really nice watching tv in my room. i got paid yesterday, a $245 check, and i only have $85 left. i hate how i can't save, but actually all the money i spent was all because i needed too. i don't have enough for my first cell phone bill, so i'm going to have to suspend it till the next two weeks. i can't handle the carls jr. job, but it's alright because my boss is giving me more hours, and it's all i really need. nothing is new, except im just trying to focus on working and going to college. i haven't even had time to really go out and party. that and i don't really feel like it. im always tired. but right now im going to re dye my hair black because im sick of keeping up with the red stuff. im too lazy, and if i let the color fade then i'll just have orange hair to show for it, and that's not very attractive. it was neat while it lasted. hate it

beautiful disaster [21 Dec 2006|09:10pm] so noah is completely off oxygen, he can breathe totally on his own, tho he still has to take antibiotics, he's still in intensive care. that little man is a fighter i tell you. he gets to come home on tuesday. carissa called me at 3 in the morning today and told me that her mom was finally getting a kidney transplant after 11 years at 6:30 in the morning. im sure she couldn't sleep because she was anxious to leave to the hospital. im so happy for her, i really am. she said that she's doing really good, and that she's in recovery resting. i hope things so super terrific. today was my first day at carls. it wasn't hard at all, they put me on the registers. it was alright except for minor setbacks with a couple of the orders, but everything was just dandy. i work tomorrow at 10-4 at del, and then 4:15 to 8:30. i plan on staying home because one i have no money, and two well im sure ill be tired. i was supposed to go to a nudie bar with maria but she doesn't have enough gas to come down and pick me up. hate it

im open to falling from grace [19 Dec 2006|06:16pm] Noah Francisco Alaniz December 19, 2006 1:31 a.m. 7 lbs 10 oz. 20 inches. he remains in intensive care. rachel couldn't have him normal because of a really high fever. he was distressed and ate his own feces. they made an emergency c-section and quickly delivered him. i love him so much already, and i am praying for him every moment. that will be the only man in my life, and i promise i'm going to protect him in every way possible. i love you noah. you have my heart. there seems to be a new meaning of falling in love. hate it

how come niggas front? [18 Dec 2006|05:26pm] for the past hour i've been timing my sisters contractions. here are the results; 45 seconds every 3-5 minutes. my mom said that were just waiting to take her to the hospital tonight. the doctor's told her if she doesn't have her baby by tomorrow then they are going to induce her on wednesday. today clumsy me hit the side of my head on the corner of the wall upstairs outside my room. i ended up cutting close to my temple, by my ear. thank god i missed my temple. it hasn't stopped bleeding since. i would suppose i should get stitches, but i want to avoid the doctors because the thought of getting something sewed up on me scares me shitless. it's also a good thing i didn't get a concusion but i have been really really dizzy and i feel like i want to go to sleep, but im trying to stay awake. i start my second job tomorrow. right after my regular job, i change, and walk across the street for work. haha. im working at del taco and carls jr. and they are right across the street from each other. i should be making almost 300 dollars this pay check, melvis is giving me really good hours lately, and im surprised. hate it

it's always the same [14 Dec 2006|08:15pm] it's been more than a minute since i've been on here. i've been so busy with work and at the end of the day im too lazy to write so much. so i guess im making it up for it now since i had a day off today. well i got another job, ill be working across the street from del taco which is carls jr. yeah yeah yeah fast food hella sucks, but i have a feeling im going to love working there. the manager is really laid back so it makes the job laid back and chill and im already kool with the people i'll be working with. it's amazing to me because when i work somewhere i never really try to be kool with the people i work with because one im shy, and two im there to do a job, but i think it's mostly because im shy. but anyways i got the job on the spot i didn't even have to have an interview, i think because the dyky girl put in a good word for me. last weekend i spent the weekend with maria. it weirds me out how we are friends with benefits and it's just not weird to us. i've never had a friend with priveleges and not had feelings for them afterwards. don't get me wrong, i love maria to death and i care a lot about her, but as a friend. i find myself get a little jealous when were out at a party somewhere and she's feeling a girl and wants to flirt with. oh i finally got a cell phone, i got t-mobile. at first i got the family plan so i can give my sister one since matt has t-mobile it would be better. i was going to pay for both our phones, but then i realized that i couldn't afford it because i have other priorities as of now. i felt bad when i switched my plan from family to individual. i really wanted to have both of ours because i know that she can't afford one by herself right now, that and i never got her anything for her baby shower. but then again what i wanted to get her is something he can't have till he's a little older. i wanted to get those baby einstien dvd's because those are really educational. maria came over today, i took her to go get her hair done because one she needed a hair cut anyways, and the other reason was because over the weekend she told me she wanted to change her style to a little more rocker, so i thought maybe a little mohawk would look good. she got it, it looks really nice, it's nothing drastic like that ugly mohawk that tina has, it looks more conservative. mhmm. i think that's it, im broke now, and yeah i have no money for the weekend. im sad. i just might not even go out this weekend because if i was going to do anything i was going to spend the weekend with maria and she lives in the oc now and so she would have to pick me up after work tomorrow then take us back over there. and then in the morning she would have to come all the way back down to la verne because i have work in the morning on saturday, and then she has to go back because she isn't going to wait 5 hours at del taco. thennnn she has to come to pick me up and then we have to go all the way back and get ready and then drive to where the party is on saturday. sigh. you get the picture. it's a lot of gas, and today i had to borrow money from my neighbor so she could have enough gas to get herself home. hate it

you can always be found [05 Dec 2006|05:12pm] this morning i saw two deaf people having a conversation. it's so amazing how hand movements can tell a whole story. they were laughing so hard. i think that was the highlight of my day. i had an interview at target today. im not sure how i did, i'm never good with interviews, i tense up and get major brain farts when asked questions. all i know is i hope they call me soon. im waiting for andrea to come pick me up so we can go to the mall. this weekened me and mariajose are going to get matching tattoos. possibly music notes. im excited. i was thinking maybe i can get it on my shoulder blade. anywhere on my body would be fine seeing that i don't show off my body in the first place, so that's not something to worry about. haha. my diet is dead, im really trying, but gosh i love food. i need an easy way to lose weight and i have something in mind, but im not going to take the easy way out. so my allergies are kicking in and it's making me mad, i hate sneezing all the time. yuck. hate it

the sinner in me [04 Dec 2006|07:53am] it feels like forever since i've left an entry. nothing spectacualr has been going on except that i have a small thing for this girl that lives really far away. i won't let it get the best of me because it will never happen. other than that it's really nice talking to her. so anyways i streaked my hair red. it took me about two times to do it because the first time i fucked up, but i love it and so does everyone else. lily made me hella cry on friday because i was only trying to make her feel better when she felt like shit and she just took it out on me. she ruined my weekend. i didn't want to do anything so i went to bed early every night. i have to get ready for work and this morning for breakfast i get a tamale. mmm. =] hate it

blame it on bad luck [27 Nov 2006|04:41pm] i get paid tomorrow thank god for that. i have this huge feeling im going to blow it all on junk and not have enough to put in my court fine. i feel really sick right now. my head is spinning and my tonsels are swelling up. ouch. i really don't have much to write in here because i don't have that many thoughts today unbelievably. hate it

let me tell you something you should know [26 Nov 2006|10:45am] lily spent the night friday. it was just me and her all day. we watched movies, she bought us pizza. we took a nap. we walked to the liquor store and i bought her cigarettes and then we went to starbucks. we ran into some of her friends then we rented movies. we watched it the movies half way thru. i had to work in the morning so i wanted to go to bed. it was around 12ish. we cuddled and fell asleep. i got sick in the middle of the night and she took care of me. everything was just really kool. i finally got my closure and i feel like i can finally move on. it feels great. i called in sick yesterday. me and lily woke up at like 12:30 left the house at 1:30. she bought us mc donalds, and then we walked over to her friends to hang out with her till she had to leave. we were only there for like half and hour, then i walked home and went to sleep because i didn't feel good. i was up a total of 5 hours yesterday. the rest i slept away. hate it

mayor que yo [23 Nov 2006|10:54am] i guess i can be thankful for making it this far in life. even tho i don't feel like i've done much to impress, im thankful for being alive and well. im thankful for all the people that have stuck around in my life. to all those who put up with my shit, thank you. to all the people that love my company, thank you. to all the people that listen to my selfishness at times, thank you. to all the people that give and give and sometimes i don't give back, thank you. and yes im even thankful for my parents love and concern. even tho my dad is a never ending nag and idiot as well as my mom being hella ditzy and always at my throat, thank you so much for understanding some of the things i do. today my whole family is coming over. actually in about two hours. i can't wait to eat. i love thanksgiving food. i have a day off tomorrow and i think mari is going to come out of her way to see me. aw i love that girl. hate it

workkkk [21 Nov 2006|05:19pm] wednesday- 12-4 thursday- 12-4 saturday- 11-4 monday- 11-4 tuesday- 12-4 my thanksgiving weekend is ruined. hate it

goodbye my lover. [21 Nov 2006|05:18pm] You touched my heart you touched my soul. You changed my life and all my goals. And love is blind and that I knew when, My heart was blinded by you. And as you move on, remember me, Remember us and all we used to be. And I still hold your hand in mine when I'm asleep. </3 hate it

super sic wit it [20 Nov 2006|07:59am] friday- chicken burrito, super nachos, diet coke from el pollo loco saturday- hamburger, fries, and coke [diet coke tasted like scante] from classic 66// fried chicken, frijoles, cookies, pineapple vodka pieces, grape soda from the party we went to. sunday- snack wrap, double cheeseburger, fries from mc donalds// pineapple, strawberries, grapes, tortilla sandwitch roll thingies// pot stickers i ate all this junk food this weekend and when i go to weigh in this morning i lose 3 pounds. this is deja vu for reals. i had a dream i'd be down this much it's amazing. down 9 pounds all together. hate it

all i do is want to turn around [19 Nov 2006|07:47pm] friday- maria and mari came over. we didn't do anything, just chilled and drank. saturday- we went to eat lunch, get the car washed, went to target, and went home and got ready to meet the girl mari was "talking" to. we hung out with lily and joe for about 20 minutes and went to pick up that girl only to be highly disappointed in that event. she said that we were going to a party that was supposed to be really good. we got there and it was beyond boring. to top that off, that chic maricela was really embarrassing us with her stupid dance moves i made an excuse to leave and right after we went back to hang out with lily and joe. some things were said and i ended up crying myself to sleep. work is getting frustrating. i can't handle fast food places in general. i was scheduled for this saturday to work and i had no clue. that's already two strikes. del taco is making me feel irresponsible and making me look inconsistent and nondependable. i just want to cry. hate it

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